[ no, it won't all go the way, it should ]

the past few days have been a real learning experience in my life, especially on the relationship front.

i'm about to shower since i have work... but tonight if i'm feeling it, i'm probably gonna talk about it for a bit in here.

it's just, something i really want to remember :]

and though my feelings are a little weird at the moment, devin and i are better than ever. i think we're just a tad more grown up, it's good.

ja~

so tonight i went to Pat's to learn how to play Magic with Chris.

when i get the hang of it i might really like it 8D

add another thing to the list of interests that make me a total nerd ;D lol

anyway, bed time! it's cold (it got cold soooo fast T__T) & my bed is calling me.

ja~

10 more days 'til i'm back in my bb's arms.♥

i know, so SUPAH! cheesy, but i can't help it. i'm so excited :3

our first one together~ you would've thought that this would've happened sooner. i love family oriented holidays ♥

anyway quick life update:
- went to Disneyland on tuesday with ottershark. we met up with jojo and had a grand ol' time at california adventure ♥ forgot how much i love the rides there. TOWER OF TERROR! * 3 *

- work... workworkwork. :P had to play the pity card to get time off for louisiana. which is fine, though i wish i would get to be there 'til the 5th like i had originally planned. learned my lesson though, i'm gonna request time off even if i'm not sure i'll take it. easier to give me shifts than to give me time off.

- pokemon... this obsession is making me mad XD though now i am learning to be more selective with items i choose to buy. i recently got a grail of mine, so now that that is off the list i can really take it easy... until december when the new eevee promotion starts XD; I WANT ME SOME DAMN ESPEON D8♥

- i'm trying to become slightly more active on facebook. in all honesty i really dislike social networking sites... but then the virus gets me >__o

- been reading Fablehaven. it is utter love♥ though ottershark keeps making me SO DAMN NERVOUS ABOUT IT. i'm on book 4 & book 5 comes in march and though i haven't finished it yet i'm SCREAMING FOR THE NEXT ONE!!! DX lol. it's nice to be part of a small fandom for once... but i want fanart and stuff XD;... i think i'll want an icon soon :]

so yeah... running off to read it :P

ja~

so i've been planning for awhile to go visit devin in louisiana for thanksgiving. that way i could for ONCE spend a holiday with him & FINALLY we can spend our anniversary together.

but my mom said no.

which really, REALLY irks me because this is when i start contemplating if i should just buy my ticket anyway and just make her deal.

but then at the same time i know it's just her and i here so i would SORT of be leaving her alone. :S i say sort of because she has JJ, but... i don't know. i don't see how it's so different from me spending thanksgiving with my dad, which is what i actually USUALLY do. thanksgiving with dad, christmas with mom. and i'm not asking to be away for christmas, dammit. i know that would kill her :[

i guess i just really miss the flare that the holidays used to have. i fear that i won't feel that again until i have kids of my own because it seems that i'll never get to have a family holiday because my mom can't leave and she wouldn't want me to leave. that and i won't be able to lure anyone out here for visits until there's some little emis running about.

*sigh*

well, if she's really adamant about no thanksgiving there for me then i'll probably just go there for our anniversary. that's actually more important, it's just hurtful that my mom would be like this. he's already visited 3 times this year and i've gone 1 time.

and if i stay long enough i can see The Princess and the Frog with him :3 ♥

gotta be positive!

ja ~

today was such a lazy day. i'm actually kind of mad at myself for it...

even though i did get to finish Fablehaven 3 :] ♥

which i loved!... but it made me so sad :[ Lena&Patton are so much love♥ waaah ; 3 ;

anyway, gonna start a little bit of Inkheart while i wait for Fablehaven 4 from Amazon :D

gonna sneak in some pleasure reading before i start studying for my TEAS exam, gotta buy my study books soon > 3 <

if you're wondering why my subject line brought up FAT though, it's because really i've been exceedingly disappointed with myself at how i've not gone to the gym, or even really tried to improve myself as of late. what really brought this on though, is that i found a bruise UNDER my muffin top, and just, that bothered me more than other things for some reason. another main thing is that i weigh more than devin... which... blech. i hate it. it makes me feel less attractive, and very insecure, especially compared to girls who have shown interest in him in the past.

i know it's in the past, but i can't help but have things like that bother me. *sigh* especially after a certain night that happened recently... but that's a private matter.

anyhoo...

so i'm gonna jump back on that health bandwagon. before i left for the philippines in may i was so on board, and doing really well! i lost 15, then gained 10 back. fucking vacations throwing me off and keeping me there v___v; time to lose those pounds again. i also don't know why i stop, when i go to the gym regularly i always feel AMAZING! why don't i crave that feeling more? do i really like the junk food more than the energy? i know i don't, but it's hard keeping your mind on that, especially when you keep adding more excuses to why you're not being good.

i have all the tools... now i just need to gogogo! :3

another prize i gotta keep my eye on, right? ;D

ja~!

so instead of venting in another post last night, i went to go read Fablehaven...

and then instead of Fablehaven i somehow got sucked into catching up in Naruto 8D;

* 3 * god the series is getting intense again, i LOVE it ♥

it's also kind of interesting to think i've been following Naruto since 2003 when the US Shonen Jump came out, over 6 years ago ~ oh, lol. i even called Sasuke Sas-OOO-kee back in the day, when i was retarded XD

when i have time (which honestly is NEVER, but i'll say it anyway) i would like to try and reread some, if not all of the series. some arcs like the Zabuza/Haku & the Gaiden chapters i really loved and i want my memories of them to be fresh.

but i know that if i would do that, some people might be mad that i didn't try to read One Piece instead XD'

ja ~

i'm so shitty at updating lately.

i know i told myself awhile ago that i should constantly update this, even if it were just a couple of sentences each day, to just keep track and remind myself of things that have happened.

anyhoo... i'd say i'd try to do that, but there's just a good chance that i'll go months without updating again. so no more false promises.

so since july:
~ devin and i went to tempe, arizona to see evangelion 1.0 (where i got a speeding ticket) & six flags in california.
~ he also came in september for anime vegas :3
~ i started to pseudo-hate my job, but i know it happens to everyone :P so blah.
~ i started classes... then dropped them all in an effort to get into a CNA course, which ended up being only for unemployed people through a workforce program :U so now i'm in no classes for no reason XP LAME
~ i turned 22 and went to disneyland to celebrate :] (also got an annual pass, so if you live in california and want to go LET ME KNOW! 8D)
~ i got even more crazy into pokemon, especially the tcg (IT'S SRS BSNS GAIZ! D8)
~ devin and i started to make some bigger life decisions, like him hopefully moving here before his birthday in february.

i think those are all the major things...

~~~

so yeah... my life has been pretty mundane. just something that comes along with getting older i guess. i honestly just work work work. and with how much i work i need to start putting some money away. it's so easy to get carried away when you have the means, y'know? i don't even think half of the time and just buy.

i need to keep my eyes on the prize. i told devin that after he moves here we'll get our own place once i save up about $2500. which is really hard when you have a compulsive shopper personality like mine v___v;

it's so hard for me to get ahead in life. *sigh* just really gotta remember... eyes on the prize.

i'm sure i could elaborate a long time about the other things in life... which i'll save for a post tonight. i'm feeling like venting, even if it's just to lj.




ja~!

soooo.... devin will be here tomorrow around 9:25am :]

& i should be asleep since i have class at 7am & i need to shower & get all pretty before that since i have to head to the airport right after class.

but i'm too excited, as always ~

& i'm cleaning XD my car is FINALLY done after about 4 1/2 hours (i'm slow & the car was BAD) x___x; i went crazy on it. but, it's practically new looking :3 so now, even though it's nearly 12am, i need to tackle my room for a bit then crash for a few hours.

X3!!!

oh, & i don't care how much they beg, because i have a feeling they will, i am NOT going in to work tomorrow. NONONONONONO! D8<

ja~!

so the more time i spend in the hospital, the more i begin to think about what i would like to specialize in. & while it's almost always been a given that i would want to head into pediatrics i'm thinking more & more that labor & delivery might be more up my alley.

then again though, this could be all the placentas i keep running into talking. 8D

seriously ._____.

if i do decide to stick with peds though, i'd definitely want to be involved in a children's hospital rather than a hospital with just a small peds ward :]

random thoughts for the future i guess ^___^ ~

ja~!

so i've only been at this new job a little less than a month & management has already been talking about how they'd like to train me for diet clerk. which would be awesome! :3 i would love to have a job where i can wear cute officey clothes & a lab coat X3 omomom.

~

also these:



are fucking yummy ~ & because i get free food at my job i've been stocking up on them for my roadtrips when devin is here XD; it's actually pretty funny. i think i have like 9 or so in my drawer 8D it's hard not eating them now .____.

~

& i realized that i'm losing my sense of maturity in my relationship again. i think for some reason i do better when i go out with friends a lot, but because of my job i usually end up just hanging around at home.

i need to remember: me time, his time & our time.

in the end i feel a lot better & less stressed when i really acknowledge the separation of the three. but also, while i know it's social, i've been getting a little bothered at the fact that he's been drinking a lot more lately & staying out all night. :S

it's so frustrating that it makes me cry.

next week just needs to come so that i can stop dwelling on all of these bothersome things & finally have a REAL SUMMER & be happy.

~

i'm feeling like some jager & root beer. so i'm out ~

& ew i have work at 6a >___O

ja~!

stfu. i know i used a joe jonas icon...


it's weird that i don't update this more often. if even just for my sake. it's nice to have a reminder of your life no matter how little or insignificant the things you were doing at the time were.

~

anyway. work is starting to kick my butt, only because i'm showing i learn fast. people are asking me to do a million things at once and... i like it, a lot actually. i get to keep to myself & stay out of drama & just observe how the hospital runs & do minimum wage work while i get paid pretty damn well. it's irritating, yes, when you're short handed and have to stay longer without them even asking you; or the fact that i pretty much can't request a weekend off blows... but i need to do what i need to do & just make time to do things when i can.

i was also thinking that if things work the way they are that maybe within a few months i'll become a diet clerk? would be interesting & kind of nice to get to dress up & wear a lab coat at work 8D

~

my summer class is ALMOST DONE, OMG YES! * 3 * one week from today is my final, & while i don't think i can pull an A (v___v; shame on me for missing quizzes)i can without a doubt pull a B, which is still good! :3 at least it's something out of the way ~

and is one step closer to getting me off of fucking academic probation =___=

speaking of school though. i need to take my TEAS exam for the nursing program soon. i'm sure i won't fuck up because really, you just need to pass each subject with 60%, except for reading which you need an 80%. but as if i can't do that :P but, maybe i shouldn't get over-confident >__>; watch me mess up now. you can only retake it every 6 months & if i take it August 15th, 6 months will be right before i plan to apply & if i take it a month later (September 19th) it'll be right after the application deadline... IF i need to retake it. gotta start studying now it looks like! :3

as for my schedule fall semester ~ tuesday, thursday & friday are when i have classes. at the moment it looks like this:

Tuesday (Cheyenne Campus): 930a-1050a BIO223 Anatomy&Physiology
1100a-200p BIO223Lab

Thursday (Cheyenne Campus): 930a-1050a BIO223
??? MUSA 157 Private Flute Instruction (i have to arrange class time)

Friday (Charleston Campus): 930a-1220p ENG101 (AGAIN, STFU ; 3 ;)
100p-350p COM101 Oral Communication

not that swamped ~ but biology classes are usually butt kickers :S whether or not you're good in the subject. i was able to get the same teacher for lecture & lab, so hopefully that's a good thing XD for once i'd like it if my labs would correlate more directly with my lectures instead of trying to find the missing link myself.

and seriously... I'M SO EXCITED TO GET BACK INTO PLAYING MY FLUTE~! it was such a huge part of my life for like 5 years. i'm actually surprised at myself that i let it go so fast & easily. hopefully after this semester i'll either 1. continue with lessons or 2. get back into group performance either through concert band or orchestra ♥ ah! really, so excited X3

~

this summer though, aside from big-ass philippines trip... which i STILL owe at least a short picture post to... has been pretty mundane & really has just been me hanging out with ottershark & going nuts over pokemon.

of course some little things have happened here and there. the main thing coming to mind is me spraining my ankle while flying kites at night XD; but yeaaaaaah.

which is why my heart is leaping for joy in the fact my bb will be here on monday morning :3 ♥ seriously. seeing each other every 2-4 months has to be some sort of torture. at times i wish i were adventurous & risk-taking enough to just decide to move out there for awhile... but i feel like i have so much more of a life here than he does there. it sounds mean, but it's true. and i just want him to fucking pack & move here, but i really don't know when i should expect that to happen.

i told him that seriously, we better live together before we've been a couple for 4 years. that's December 2010, so i feel that amount of time should suffice before we make a decision like that... but really. i know starting out LD makes us different from conventional couples, but you'd think that the desire would be there more BECAUSE we've been LD the whole time.

blargh... i need to stop dwelling on this so much because even though i bitch. i can honestly say that right now, we're in a very good place in our relationship. :3 ♥

& sadly, i can say that his visit & the mini trips we're taking are most likely going to be the only real things i do this summer XD;

~

NOW, IF YOU DIDN'T READ ANY OF THAT BECAUSE IT WAS FUCKING LONG, IF YOU'RE GOING TO HARRY POTTER WITH ME ON TUESDAY NIGHT AT LEAST READ THIS PART

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! B|

- we're going to see the movie at Red Rock at 12:10a
- dressing up is most definitely encouraged ~ you know that :3
- before that, most likely around 8pm, we should meet at my house for HP nerding out (essentially enjoying some Butterbeer & Pumpkin pasties before we go on our merry way 8D)
- don't be a pussy :U even if you have work in the morning you should fucking come DX

so yeah :3 if you want anymore details call or message me~!

~

aaand yeah .___. maybe my period is making my emotions flow like my blood D8

GROOOOSSSSS XD

8D

ja~!

usually when i talk about money it's me worrying that i won't have enough, or that i bought something stupid that i shouldn't have or something along those lines.

but with this new job, for once in my working life i don't feel like i need to worry.

& this is a first for me... but i think i might be getting first 4 DIGIT check this friday...

I
AM
SO
EXCITED!

:]♥

ja~!

i really need to post more since i have a PAID account.... even though i more or less paid for more icons 8D... oh yeah, and no ads :P

anyhoo. some recent events in life include:

~ unfortunately failing math (because i couldn't take the final)
~ but! passing biology with a B! 8D FINALLY I CAN MOVE ON!
~ going to the philippines for 3 weeks! (which is why i couldn't take my math final :P)
~ getting a new job at St. Rose Dominican Hospital, yay!
~ out of nowhere going crazy about pokemon all over again... x__x;
~ planning my future semesters in school & signing up to retake math starting on monday

i'll make a nice post when i have time & upload some pics. i know i always say that, but i really should do it. XD;

intense room/bathroom/house/car cleaning is going on... so i need to stop slacking .___.

ja~!

my mom told me today that she likes devin.

she even listed a few things to support that.

and devin... without me bringing it up at all, told me he's finally seriously thinking about moving here.

what's funny, is i don't even think they really know how much they really made my day. :] ♥

ja~!

it seems that the end of the semester is fast approaching, and the time to cram & do papers & essentially dedicate every possible second of free time to my classes. & i'm oddly excited about it! i just want this semester to be done! x___x; there's so much left for me to do though, gah.

anyway ~ i leave for the philippines on the 7th of may. i'll be gone for 3 weeks as most of you already know. & despite this whole thing causing me problems i know it's going to be an amazing time.... mainly, and i know they're crazy looking, i get to go see tarsiers!!! * 3 *



wahahaha! i'm so excited XD

anyway ~ i missed priority registration for summer classes, so HOPEFULLY i get into either COM101 or SOC101 this summer. it'll also depend on if tickets from new orleans to vegas go on sale with southwest (they're having a 50% off sale the 4 days, but they're only for 4 cities that they're gonna reveal once a day... if you're interested it's at southwest.com/dailydeal ) 'cause i don't want to have class & work all the time if devin is here :)

also, completely random note. my dad is going to europe at the end of september. devin and i were thinking about going for a week :3 it would unfortunately be at the time of your b-day, chris. but it's because my aunt that has the same b-day as you is turning 80 :) woo! my old german family 8D lol.

so yeah... i should get back to updating this regularly since i paid for my account :P

gym time, research then work! ;P lovely day.

ja~!

so... life is like kicking me in the mouth right now.

- this philippines trip is turning out to be a little more troublesome than i was hoping. it better be worth it in the end.

- work is being a bunch of assholes. don't be surprised if i have to look for a new job when i get back from the phils. :U

- my math teacher is saying now that i might have to take my final AFTER i get back from my trip... which is like 3 weeks later, because i can't take it ONE WEEK early. i don't even make friends in my classes, it's not like i'm going to share XP blah.

- i have a ton of homework to catch up on... including my english papers, which i haven't started because i don't have the books because i had to use my book money to get my passport :| (thank god i get paid tomorrow T__T)

- devin would've been here today... but there's no point in bitching about that anymore :[

- i was all sorts of pissed that i can't take BIO223 over the summer because it starts on May 19th and i come back May 28th... but now i find out that i can't take it anyway because grades won't be posted in time.. which sets me back like 9 months - 1 year from my original goal. *sigh*

but i will say... among all of these "negative" things...

- i'm taking my diet and exercise program very seriously :] and i'm happy to say that 8 pounds are gone so far.

- for the first time in the 4 times i've registered for BIO189... I UNDERSTAND IT AND LIKE IT! YAY SCIENCE! X3... kind of, we're still not really best friends XD;



[EDIT
for some reason this posted o__o; and it wasn't meant to be cuz i wasn't done yet. anyway... this is what was missing:

- and though we have to postpone seeing each other until the summer, devin and i are doing pretty good. :3

lol, 3 positive out of this plethora of negativity.

though i will admit, the past few hours have been a little gloomy for me. i need to push these thoughts out of my head... they don't help me at all.

ja~!

even though i'm trying to be happy and positive and just look forward to a longer time together in the summer, i can't help but still be sad over the fact that i don't get to be with you in a week.

which means i don't get to see you for pretty much 4 months. and i hate it so fucking hard because it's so, SO hard for me to put it in the back of my mind.

but at the same time it might be a blessing in disguise because of all my assignments and exams coming up.

but still... poop. :[ distance hurts.

i go cry now.

ja~!

my dad's birthday was yesterday!

he turned 82!

8D

i know, he's totally awesome ~ i need to get him a gift since he's coming into town tomorrow. *headdesk* i completely forgot D8

that's honestly kind of it, since i don't want to keep blogging gloom :P

though my entry tomorrow might be a little bit about that only because i feel sort of like ranting.

&PICS! :]

ja~!

it's been over a month since i last updated 8D;

i have the pictures for that fucking meme that was in my last entry, but my camera is downstairs. therefore i'll put them up tomorrow.

anyway ~ i'm back home from spending a week in louisiana with my bb for spring break ♥

needless to say i'm pretty gloomy right now. because of course, like usual, the change from being together to being alone is so sudden, that it makes it seem like none of our time together even happened.

which is just sad because when i'm with him, it's a completely different level of happiness. like honestly, everything's alright.

*sigh* :[

and just... the first night is always the hardest for me v___v; because it keeps replaying in my head the fact that last night, i was cuddling in bed with him, falling asleep to a movie and i was completely happy.

we need to do something about the distance. :|

ja~!

Make a request for me to take a picture of anything. And I'll make a separate journal entry later to upload the requests.

shoot! 8D

ja~!